Sunday, 5 January 2020
The word Decimation originally refers to the beating to death of one person in a group of ten by the other nine. It was used by the Romans as a form of punishment for soldiers. To have to kill one of your brothers, who you’ve been training with and fighting beside would have been devastating. The Romans knew how to use cruelty as a form of control.
Why do I make reference to this? Well, I’ve been writing stories for a decade. This made me think of decimation simply because it relates to ten. Then I realised the decade has often felt like the same brutality as the psychological aspect of decimation. I refer to my writing journey, but overall it has been a remarkably intense ten years.
This last year could have been the most difficult, and therefore it could have been the one to be beaten and killed by the other nine (give up on writing). Granted, most of the struggles relating to writing have been self inflicted, but these emotions are instinctive and natural. It has been excruciatingly difficult not to let crippling disappointments, rejections, waiting and inadequacies break me. This year could, and probably should have been the most difficult.
The lack of writing and ability to market could have broken me so easily. Ultimately, the situation I am in has been my own choice. I chose to focus on Dungeons and Dragons for half the year, and focus on time with my friends and family. It took nine years, but I learned it’s better to wait than to rush. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg of what I’ve learned this decade.
This writing journey has really forced me to overcome so many inner demons. Just like the body needs controlled and measured resistance to become stronger, so does the mind and heart (a generalisation- obviously specific situations differ). Over time (a life time) there can be strategies and techniques to process and accept thoughts and emotions related to disappointments, rejections, waiting and inadequacy. Because of this writing journey I have had to face so many personal insecurities. Often I was broken by them, but I kept rebuilding my mental and emotional pathways. Over time they became stronger. I could either let them beat me or I could learn to overcome them. And now the struggles barely even register. This has made this last year a joy, when it could have been otherwise. I do get a tiny bit impatient every so often, especially because I’m currently in a cocoon stage with my stories. But, whether it takes a year, or ten, or fifty, or never happens, I am at peace with it now. I cannot do anything more than I already am. Whatever the future holds, I’m doing my best with my specific circumstances.
The joyous and beautiful truth is that I’ve found serenity and peace. And it’s all thanks to the connected fun and challenging experiences that come from writing stories and wanting them to be published. My writing has improved over the years, but most importantly I am a far happier and tranquil human being. I am super thankful for those who have guided me on this journey. So many people have been a part of helping me grow and learn as a writer and as a person. I am thankful for all the encouragement support and help. Here’s to the next year and decade!
My main goal for the year is to finish book three of the Chronic of Elementary. There are other small goals I’ll work on, but I’m happy keeping my head down and not rushing. One day I hope to have the books out in the world again for people to read, but if not, it’s okay. I have learned not to rush or worry about things in the future. Right now is what matters most.