Monday, 11 June 2012

The Struggle Within

It is clear that my blog updates are becoming very  infrequent and I feel bad because I haven’t been as committed to it as I want to be. I would like to be able to say it is because I have been busy, or distracted still, but I cannot. The distraction mentioned in the last update was awesome, but it did not go as well as I thought it would, in fact it crashed and burned epically. All is good now though and there is nothing I regret from my choices, everything that has happened served to help me to grow the way I need to. I am just so enthralled by every experience life gives me because I feel like I learn more about myself, and life, every day as a result of these experiences (Sorry for the ambiguous statement but I try to keep this about writing and not about the dramas of my life but sometimes it just creeps in) .

That said the reason I have not updated the blog, or written anything in a while, is because I have lost a lot of the motivation for writing that I once had. The struggle to be the best I can, and be good enough for readers, is far greater than I ever imagined. I was so naïve at the start of this project to think that by just having a good story it would be enough. I have learned I was an idiot and so ignorant to the struggle that would occur, both within myself to keep going, and to accept that I am not going to just get success over night. 

This inexperienced perspective has nearly faded and I am glad it has because now I can focus a bit better on realistic goals and how to achieve them. I owe so much to so many for gradually helping me see this perspective and especially to my friend, and fellow writer, Sammy HK Smith (although she will always be known as Starbuck to me). I'm thankful to her for so many things but do not think that my thanks is given because she plays to my ego, or gives me false hope. It is because she sees the potential I know I have and because she can be amazingly honest, yet always objective, which is what I need. Another reason I’m grateful to her is because she is a much better at writing and therefore is teaching me so much, and again this is what I need. It feels like she is my master and I her Padawan J.

Ultimately I feel strongly that the reason I stopped writing this blog, and writing in general, was not really because I have not gained the success that I want, but because I feel like I have improved as much as I can with out having someone to take me by the hand and guide me in the specific ways I need to improve. That is why I am so grateful to Starbuck. Her willingness to help me and guide me is humbling, and is truly appreciated. The truth is she could be doing a thousand other things (seriously she has so much going on her life that I’m in awe daily of how she does it all). Obviously she is not a perfect writer, but she is far better than I am, yet she is still doing everything she can to improve and learn while helping others. This is one of the reasons writing is fantastic because those who do it will learn so much if they are willing to, just like in life. The key is that learning never stops if we understand that it never stops.

All of this said I now feel ready and able to take my writing to the next level and I know with Starbucks help this will happen, as long as I work hard. I’m also excited for a small project that she has asked me to write and I will update on this in the future, and on other writing projects, obviously.

The struggle for motivation, improvement etc, will still continue, but that’s the point, it has to be a struggle for us to improve, other wise we would stagnate and not reach our potential. At least that's what I believe and have seen in my own life and in the life of many of the people around me.

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